Thought I would start this today, but first I must backtrack a little.
I am now, 64 years old, which actually, I don't know how I got this old. It seems like I just turned around and I jumped from my 40's to my 60's.
Without going into a lot of my previous life, I was married to my first husband at 17, right after I graduated from high school. I had my first daughter Kari at 19 and my second, Shannon at 23. I was married for 17 years, and my husband left me for his cousin. It was traumatic at the time, and having spent half my life with him, I was lost. I had two daughters and me.
I worked for an orthopedic surgeon at the time, and made a decent salary, so it wasn't really the money I worried about, but just what I was going to do from there.
My parents were my biggest support and my oldest sister. My sister owned a duplex , just down the road from her house. Since we had been leasing the home we lived in, my sister talked me into moving to the town she lived in and renting one side of her duplex from her. I talked to the girls, and they agreed that we should make the move. It was closer to my work and a new start.
I continued to work for the doctor for about 6 months, but emotionally, I was not being fair to myself or him. I decided to quit and just collect my unemployment for a couple months and decide what I was going to do.
One day in December of that year, I was fixing dinner for the girls and I. My sister called and asked if I would come up to her house after dinner and talk to her and her husband. I said I would and after dinner, I walked up to see what was up. Well, in a nutshell, they had decided to buy a beer and wine bar, about 20 miles away, and they wanted to know if I would manage it and work for them. I had never worked in a bar before, and had no idea of how to bartend, but I did know all the aspects of managing a business, having owned my own business several years before, and managing doctors offices for the past several years. I was curious and intrigued by the idea. They had to finalize all the paperwork, and asked if I would sit in with them , and I agreed. The previous owners of the bar wanted to leave right away, so within a week, we were doing some remodeling, and lots of cleaning before taking it over. It was fun. I enjoyed meeting the customers and a lot of them were a regular crowd. The only thing I can really compare the bar to, is the one on the TV show "Cheers". We had the older men, who came in the morning, drank coffee, played Cribbage, and chatted a lot. Then the afternoon crowd was mixed between retired people, couples, some of the local girls and then later in the afternoon the working crowd that got off early. The early evening was made up of the working crowd as they got off work and stopped for a couple beers, the ones who played pool or darts, and a lot of wives and girlfriends meeting their husbands or boyfriends after work. It was such a fun group of people. Everyone was friendly and helpful. I found over the months ahead, that I really enjoyed this job. I was relaxed and happy and I was finally content with being "single". I could do whatever I wanted , whenever I wanted, and didn't have to worry about having a "spouse".. During that year, my girls and I took trips, with my sister and niece and her daughters, to Arizona to visit my parents, to Disneyland and Huntington Beach. We went on numerous camping trips , day trips to the lake to swim, and many movies, miniature golf, and water park visits. I actually was quite happy, and content to be "single". I know, I said it again, but I feel I need to, to explain where I was in my life. The first few months after my husband left were hard. I had surgery to have my gallbladder removed a week after he left, I was angry, bitter and wanted revenge. How could they have done that to me? I was broken and extremely cautious about everything. I dated, went to parties, met new people, but I was afraid to let anyone "in" because I never wanted to hurt like that again.
Fast forward to about a year after my husband left. Our divorce had become final, and I was legally free now too. One of the guys that was a regular at the bar had become quite a good friend. He was always good about hanging out with me if someone was in the bar that I wasn't sure of., till they left. He had a girlfriend , off and on, and had children with her. He had a fun personality and I felt comfortable talking with him. He was like another brother. One night, Ronnie and I were talking and he said "I want to bring my brother in and introduce him to you" I said that I would like to meet him. A few days later, in walks Ronnie, with this good looking dark haired man. I will never forget that first smile. He was wearing a pair of Levis, a blue plaid Pendleton shirt, and cowboy boots. My heart was beating fast, and something told me that this guy was special. Ronnie introduced us, and we talked for hours, and decided to go to Denny's for a late night breakfast and talk some more, after I closed the bar. We enjoyed so many of the same things, we had the same views on several issues, and mostly we were just at ease with each other. I can't explain it, but I knew that we were going to really become close. He was kind, funny, romantic and oh, so good looking. I still have heart flutters today, thinking of that night.
That night, turned into many more. There were dinners, parties, camping trips, fishing trips, trips with Shannon and some friends to the snow.
Before long, Gary and a friend had rented a house together on the street just behind me. Of course, he was rarely there, as he spent most of the time at my house. We decided finally, that he should just move in with us.
Kari and Shannon loved him almost instantly, and he treated them as if they were his own girls. He talked to them, explained things to them, helped Shannon with her schoolwork . He was everything a Dad could be. I was very protective of them too, and I can tell you I watched intently at the interaction between them and Gary. I never wanted to have them experience the pain they had felt when their father left. Their interaction with him and his new wife was very limited. They too, had anger, the feeling of loss and not understanding why or what had happened. Gary sensed that, and he was not only reassuring to them, that he was there for the long haul, but he also was a good listener. He was never disrespectful of their father and when he did come to visit them or pick Shannon up, he was very friendly and non judgmental of him The. girls noticed that and in turn, they showed Gary great respect. Over the years , that respect grew, as did their love for him.
that is why, as the years went by, Gary became their Dad. He was there for their school activities, their first love, the first heartbreak. He listened, he gave advice, and he helped them gain strength to face the things in life they couldn't control. Don't get me wrong, they still loved their father very much, but Gary, was the one that was there. He knew the hurts, the happiness, the ups and downs of everyday life. Sometimes , I think it is sad that their father missed out on all of that, but that was his choice. I am just so thankful that Gary and I met and fell in love and that he accepted me as a package deal, me and my kids. When Shannon got married, she asked Gary to walk her down the aisle. Her father did come to the wedding, but before asking him anything, she asked me to have Gary come into the room she was getting ready in. She asked him if he would mind if her father also walked with them. In true Gary fashion, as he stood there in his white tuxedo, he said he would not be upset if she asked her father to walk her down the aisle alone. She instantly told Gary that if he didn't walk her, she wasn't going. Gary told her that he would be proud to still walk with her and he would welcome her father walking on the other side of her. When Kari was getting married, she too wanted Gary to walk her down the aisle, but Gary's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he was expected to pass away within just a few weeks. Gary couldn't leave his mom alone to face that, so he stayed in CA with her, while my mom and I went to ID . I knew if there had been a way, he would have proudly walked her down the aisle too. Her grandfather ended up walking with her, which I am sure, since he suddenly passed away a year later, she is happy that she has that memory
For seven years, Gary and I lived together, but for whatever reason , a lot had to do with my insecurities about marriage, we never had gotten married. After 6 years, Gary was hurt at work, when some steel fell on him, badly injuring his back. He was unable to work anymore. Gary was a beer drinker, and when he was off work, his drinking increased. Some of his friends, who didn't work, would show up at our house with a couple beers, then sit and drink with him all day. It was nothing for me to come home from work, to a backyard full of drunk guys. It got old really fast. I liked to go out on the weekends and have drinks, and there were times I drank more than I should, but it wasn't a daily thing. Gary was what I call "a happy drunk". He was never mean, just the opposite. That is why all his buddies loved hanging out with him. By this time, the lease had come up on the building the bar was in, and we decided to close it , rather than try to move to a different location, when the owner didn't want to renew. I went to work as a dispatcher/secretary in an appliance business. I loved the people I worked for and with, but going home to the same scene daily, wore me down.
I talked to Gary and although it broke my heart, I told him I was leaving. I was going to move to the northern CA coast, where my oldest sister and my parents lived. I told him I loved him, and he told me the same, but at that time, he wasn't ready to leave the town he grew up in and the friends that were his "drinking" buddies. I waited for Kari to have her third baby and after he was born, I rented a uhaul, packed my stuff and Shannon and her husband decided help me move up there. I don't think I stopped crying much during the 8 hour trip. I was heartbroken, but I knew this was what I had to do. I hoped, that once I was really gone , Gary would realize what he had lost. I put my stuff in storage, moved in with my sister and began looking for a job. I cried daily. Gary and I talked every day, and we missed each other terribly. He wanted me to come back, but I knew if I did, nothing would change. Just a little over a month after I left, Gary asked if I wanted to go with him to his parents in WA. He would come pick me up and then we would go on up there. I love his parents and of course I jumped at the chance to spend a week with Gary. We did a lot of talking on that trip and when we got back to my house, my sister was talking to Gary about a house she had for sale, and if he was interested , she would give him a good deal. She told him to go home and think about it and let her know. When he left, I wasn't sure if he would get back down there and fall back into the same rut, or if he would decide to make a change. I didn't know if I was going to lose the man I loved more than life itself. A few days later, Gary called and said that he had talked to Ruthie, and he was going to buy the house and move up there. I jokingly asked if that meant he might want a roommate again, and we both laughed and made plans for him to move. I can't tell you how happy I was and how many tears of joy I cried. This really was true love. I will stop here for now, because so much has happened since then, I will have to write more on another day.
